The Greatest Misconception about Parenting an Addict

I knew exactly what my son needed to do and I wasn’t shy about sharing. The moment I saw him I would bombard with advice. Try this. It is brilliant. Shall I book you a session? My friends gave remote healing. I shared my thoughts, learning and beliefs. So many ideas. After time I could feel him zone out and escape fast every time I started talking.

I momentarily escaped the persistent anxiety and agitation in yoga classes. Tension left my body. I could breathe again and had moments of being present.

But I was still searching for something to fix the problem. Next came reiki and healing therapies. They were going to resolve everything. Oh but numerology… It was in his numbers – clear as anything – ADDICTION. That was the answer, hooray. Now all he he had to do was follow a specific healing protocol and everything would be alright!! Except he wasn’t interested. He looked bemused at this new version of his Mum. I was determined to sort things and would try anything.

Months became years. The next technique would be THE ONE. Previous modalities were good, but this next training, session or book would be it! I was getting results, feeling lighter, more positive and looked so much better. It must be working surely.

I felt so close to the prize of fixing my son and all my challenges would disappear. But oh no! Another ‘problem’ or setback and I spiralled back into anxiety, and helplessness. As mum it was my job to make everything better. And I would never give up!

Until I realised that he was not broken.

My views on addiction changed. I had been mistaken. My son was not broken, wrong, or bad. The situation was not a punishment. He was wounded and struggling with life. Rather than judgement, compassion and support would help him figure out himself, life, and the future.

When the time was right, he started to make changes, asked for help and we talked more freely. Things changed gradually. I saw that he knew what was best for him and had much wisdom. A kind, sensitive, likeable man struggling with the pressures of a 21st century living.

I saw the similarity with myself and friends dreaming of escaping the rat race, living a simple life. He didn’t yet have the life skills, experience and resources. Like all of us he was doing the best he could each day.

I knew intellectually but I now really knew. It is not my job to fix my son. He has his own life, path, and destiny. I accompany him for a while and what happens next is his not mine to decide. He is an adult and by continually trying to fix I am disempowering and judgemental. There is no right or wrong way, just his way.

Being a parent of an addict has unique challenges and obstacles. Together it is easier.

I am gifting 100 complementary well-being calls (30-minute ) for mums who are looking to support themselves and their adult son/daughter as they navigate life with addiction challenges. To schedule a session use this link

This offer is open to all who are ready and willing to make lasting positive change in their life.

If you are ready I would love to share some ideas and practices. Gain new perspective. Start or continue the journey of supporting you and your son/daughter. Contact me for a group or private online sessions.

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