Not Knowing what is happening (with my addict son)

I was continually worried about my son. Sometimes there was a valid reason for concern, alcohol, drugs, alcohol, arrest, and court cases. Other times I noticed negative scenarios playing out in my mind – jail, homeless, death or vanishing and never hearing from him. I knew that worst case scenario I would be informed. Yet another thing to dread!

The sense of not knowing what would happen kept me in a permanent state of helplessness. A cloud of heavy negative thoughts and emotions engulfed me for months, well actually years, many years. My physical and emotional well-being were affected. I was a nervous wreck.
Choice time – allow my health, well-being and future be determined by another (over which I, rightly, have no control) or take charge of my life and find ways to cope and start living. That is what I did. Slowly and surely over many years. (It’s been 20+).

“Waiting is painful,

Forgetting is painful.

But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering.”

Paulo Coelho

I started with yoga, nutrition, and homeopathy which I continue to practice. My self-awareness increased. Previously I had been oblivious to the rhythms and messages from my body. Now I notice when my old friends stress and anxiety visit or when I am heading towards gloom.
Next came years of change/healing practices/energy work. Each method was helpful and took me to a new level of self-understanding.

I began to see with new perspective. The story of my life is impacted by the generations before. My ‘stuff’ has a visceral effect on my children. Nothing is wrong or bad. Simply, it is the game of life. The patterns and traumas are carried forward until we heal or process them. This is my intention – step-by-step. You can too if you choose.

“Life is about not knowing, having to change, taking the moment and making the best of it without knowing what’s going to happen next” Gilda Radna

Ultimately my task to be at peace with myself irrespective of where my addict son’s journey takes him. To be okay with not knowing or knowing and every other scenario and emotion that comes up. It is the only way. Each day I have the opportunity to practice this.
I am honoured to support and guide other parents of addicts find peace and new ways to support themselves and their child. The past has happened, the future can be different. It is time to remove the shame and stigma around addiction and see our challenges differently.

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery #enabling