Archives for July 2021

Compassion vs Confrontation

The shouting, demanding, ultimatums only wore me down and alienated my son. I would pounce as soon as he called or visited. My tone of voice was edgy, defensive, or attacking. Hypervigilant, I was ready to jump in with advice, threats, or passive aggressive comments.

Running on empty without tools or experience I meant well but at best it was unhelpful! Confrontation did not work. How would you respond if you were spoken to in that way? (would you say, ok you are right or some other response? denial? anger? do the opposite? or something else). It was all in the name of love. I believed that I loved him unconditionally.

Latest insights view addiction as a symptom of underlying trauma – childhood or transgenerational – rather than a disease. 

We may not recognise or connect with the wounding. It is not our job. There is a cause/trigger. Not everyone who uses alcohol and/or drugs experience the torment of addiction. Initially the pain is soothed by the substance or habit of choice. Addicts have a remarkable skill in selecting what will soothe them best. It feels good and initially works. Just as pruning a shrub the roots remain. More or stronger self-medication is needed for the same feeling, and we all know what happens then…

The body wants to heal. As soon as it has the resources, i.e. in recovery, the issues come knocking again more loudly this time. Without tools or knowledge, the addict copes in the only way they know, relapse happens. Some replace an unhealthy addiction for a healthier one. Exercise, spirituality, support groups and they may be helpful for some and are less damaging. The underlying issues remain. Addiction cannot be cured with a strong character, discipline, or confrontation. When the pain is addressed, healing can occur.

What about a new strategy?

Instead of confrontation and negativity what if I was compassionate and positive? There was a learning curve, avoiding old habits… but over time my thinking, tone of voice, and posture changed. Ignoring the blips, I focused on the little successes – knowing it was not his intention when wobbles happened. No-one ever decided they want to be an addict!

On some level my son sensed the change and seemed more comfortable around me. We had turned a corner.

If we haven’t connected yet, sign up for a complimentary well-being call. I will listen to your story, and see how I can best support you.

With love and acknowledgement for all you have experienced, your challenges and potential.
Suzan

Ps If you have a topic you would like me to include in a newsletter drop me an email.

Tel: 07795 517157
https://www.facebook.com/groups/addictsmum

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

How Improved My Relationship with My Addict Son

One day my son was visiting. I was cooking and asked him to taste for seasoning. He spilt some onto the floor. I instantly felt and knew without doubt that my energy created an anxiety and the spillage happened. It was deeply humbling and highlighted how sensitive he is to energy.

A huge wave of sadness swept over me as I share this, yet it is testimony to how far I have travelled. First the awareness and second the ability to be ok with and share the story. Sure, it is sad, but it is ok too. My son and I are on a journey. It seemed like a huge never-ending roller-coaster ride at times!

I used to think people who watch news 24/7 were the most negative, depressive, and heavy to be around. That being bombarded by sensational headlines and doomsday scenarios had taken its toll. Yet my attention was either focused on negative possibilities about my son or zoning out and avoiding. I was doing my own version of news 24/7!! It is as if the more I tuned into the drama the more appeared.

Energy flows where attention goes”. Michael Beckwith

The idea that focusing on doom and gloom was bringing more into my awareness was a surprise. Initially I understood this and carried on as before. The knowledge was in my head but not yet integrated into my body, mind, and emotions.

Thoughts are energy. They have a frequency. I, you, and everyone is a field of electromagnetic energy, we vibrate at a frequency. We feel and pick up on the energy of others mostly subconsciously. We all know someone who has a heavy energy, they are the ones we dread meeting or avoid completely. Others have an uplifting frequency, and it is a joy to be in their presence.

The more I worked on myself, became grounded and present the easier it was for my son to relate to me. Nothing else changed – just me. Over time our exchanges were less fraught and more loving. He would ask me questions and listen. Rather than being judged he picked up that I was more empathic, accepting and understanding. My energy had shifted. It was much lighter and welcoming. The oh no! what now, what does he want energy was pretty much gone. I am human though and have bad days, luckily they are rarer now.

Next time you catch yourself thinking negatively about your son or daughter, notice how you feel, smile, and reframe or remember happier times. When you are feeling content, they will pick that up too.

The next group specifically for mums of addicts starts in September. We will explore and experience these ideas and develop positive strategies for interacting with your child. (They are still our child however old they are). Email me to be added to the waiting list.

With love and acknowledgement for all you have experienced, your challenges and potential.
Suzan

If you have a topic you would like me to include in a newsletter drop me an email.

with love,

Suzan

+44 (0)7795 517157
Co-author Searching… A Peek into the Invisible World of Energy & Healing

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

Nothing is random or a coincidence

Everyone has a story, history, challenges, and trauma. It is unavoidable in this game called life. Wounds may be buried deep or on full display. We develop coping strategies and behaviours to interact with others. Perhaps to make us feel safe, loved, or valued. We may avoid situations, have the same pattern playing out. Sometimes we get stuck, or consumed with heavy emotions – anger, resentment, fear, shame, judgement etc. It may show up as anxiety, depression, pain, stress, addiction etc.

Nothing is random or coincidental. There is a much bigger picture at play, call it fate, destiny, a contract, karma, it really does not matter. This force directs our life events. It is reflected within the body and energy field.

In recent months energies of the planet and beyond have been stirring and shaking things up. Old issues are resurfacing. It may manifest as a dissatisfaction with life situations or desire for meaning and purpose. Nothing is wrong, it is a good sign. Even though uncomfortable it brings choice. An opportunity to continue as before or do something different. A catalyst for change – to start or take the next step of the healing journey.

If you always do what you have always done, you will always get the same results”..
Unknown

I have been on my healing journey for many years. As I unravelled my story, I saw how everything in my life, as well as my parent’s life, has impacted the way I see, act, and relate in the world. First, I blamed myself, then my parents. Gradually a deeper awareness and self-compassion arose. There is a bigger picture which plays out through transgenerational links and cultural/societal conditioning. All affect my world view and how I interact with others. Rather than a clear vision it is as if seeing through glasses with the wrong prescription and dirty lenses!

Everything is here to help you.
Matt Kahn

I now accept what was and what is. (As long as it does not threaten my safety). The negative emotions have subsided. My energy is now available to heal and live my best possible life. I have resources and am curious about my thoughts, feelings, emotions and their link to the web of my family system and bigger picture.

Our presence here means the presence of all our ancestors. They are still alive in us. We practice not just for ourselves, but for everyone. And the stream of life continues.”

Thich Nhat Hanh

All sessions are an opportunity for healing and transformation – yoga, recovery, sharing circles, healing groups, workshops, and private sessions. I create and hold a safe and sacred space. I accept you without judgement. I see and hear you as you are. I support and accompany you to a place where healing happens. Here you connect with your inner wisdom, the part of you beyond time and wounding. This is your true teacher and has the answers you seek. You are your own healer. I am your guide. In this moment …

  • Nothing is personal…
  • Emotions are witnessed and given space to flow …
  • Calmness arises…
  • Insight occurs…
  • Blocked energy frees…
  • New habits develop…
  • Flow and ease increase…

Are you ready to take the next step?

Email me to get started.

With love and acknowledgement for your journey, struggles, and great potential.

Suzan
Tel: 07795 517157
Facebook/
Help for Parents of Addicts Facebook Group
Co-author Searching… A Peek into the Invisible World of Energy & Healing

#YogaTherapy #Healing #Transformation