Coping With Conflicting Emotions

From teenage years, to 20’s and early 30’s the turmoil and uncertainty around my sons addiction continued. Not knowing and fearing the worst. Knowing – arrest, court, and visits from the police with the numbness and darkness that came with it.

There were many conflicting thoughts and emotions whirling around my head. I loved my son deeply, yet I was angry and frustrated. I wanted him to call and visit then was suspicious and guarded. The desire to support him evoked resentment when it wasn’t welcomed or valued as I thought it should be!

I was stuck in this loop for a long-time.

Change
‘If you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got.’
(I have seen this quote attributed to many including Albert Einstein and Henry Ford)

I was taking good care of myself – yoga, nutrition, homeopathy, massage, and more. In times of calm, I could ground and centre. My world view encompassed a bigger picture. Yet old behaviours, thoughts and emotions appeared when a challenge inevitably happened. I found myself once more in a tsunami of drama and emotions.

Personal transformation, healing sessions and trainings helped me broaden my awareness. I healed enough to start looking at myself and unravelling my story. Over time my self-compassion and self-love increased. The pain of being stuck where I was became greater then the resistance to look at my story. I started to separate myself from the drama, and saw my situation, my son and the world differently.

My inner knowing was more prominent. I knew it had always been there but ignored it with in favour of my thoughts. Can you remember a time when you knew something and chose a different action? What happened? It was like that only I was paying attention now. A gentle wise woman was guiding me. I saw everything from a more positive and empowered view.

I would dip in and out of this new consciousness. Over time it became my predominant sense. But every now and again life comes along with a big tsunami. Sometimes I feel my old response wanting to play out. Other times I realise I got knocked into the sea and get myself out as soon as I can.

Connecting with your Inner Wisdom

The answers lie within. Beyond the mind and ego in the subconscious is an awareness and knowing which is untarnished by the ups and downs of life. There are many names, I will call it your Inner Wisdom. This continues to be my guide and saviour. It is always right. For me it comes as a quiet whisper and deep knowing. It may be different for you.

Here is a process to connect with your Inner Wisdom.

  • Choose an activity that takes you from thinking to feeling/sensing/knowing
    (journaling, doodling, drawing, painting, creating, relaxing, meditating, free dancing etc. Whatever works best for you. Try something different, you are not committed to it for ever.
  • Stay present with sensations, thoughts, and emotions. Insight may come instantly. It may seem nothing happens. Your job is to notice rather than judge.
  • Write or record your findings. You may be surprised when you look back in a few weeks or months.
  • Like most activities it is helpful to repeat several times. You might like to add it to your daily well-being practice, do it weekly or attend classes/workshops.

Ps If you have a topic, you would like me to include in a newsletter drop me an email.

 

 

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

Free well-being calls for parents of addicts

I have committed to 100 well-being conversations, 30 minutes with mums whose adult son/daughter is living with addiction challenges. It will take around 30 minutes.
Open to any mums who are looking to make positive change.
To schedule your session use this link https://suzanschedule.as.me/well-being
help for parents of addicts, mum addict, son, daughter, help, online, community
#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

How do you stop feeling like a failure as a mom …. of an addict?

How do you stop feeling like a failure as a mom….? This question comes from a mum whose son has come to addiction in his 40’s. Everything appeared to be on track. Having graduated from parenting to grandparenting they learn their son is experiencing addiction. It must be a huge shock.

The societal view that addiction is a disease, bad, or wrong is slowly changing. New thoughts and ideas on addiction are out there, gaining momentum but not yet mainstream. They are worth considering and make sense to me.

You mention your son has also been diagnosed with severe depression and PTSD. Dr Gabor Mate, a Hungarian-Canadian physician who has worked with addicts, believes trauma, childhood or transgenerational is the root of addiction. The substance of choice producing the brain chemistry needed to soothe the pain.

“Addiction is not a choice that anybody makes; it’s not a moral failure… What it actually is: it’s a response to human suffering…”

— Dr. Gabor Maté

If addiction is self-medication rather than a dis-ease does anything change? What happens to the sense of failure? You may be filled with compassion and everything is solved or transfer the sense of failure to another issue.

Question… Who says something has gone wrong? What if addiction is part of your son’s life journey, fate, or destiny. Could addiction be a catalyst to highlight and possibly transform personal or transgenerational trauma? or to change track to a more fulfilling career etc?

Whatever our opinion life is neither a fairy story nor Disney movie. Happy ever after is a relatively modern idea. History shows that life is tough, and no-one gets out alive! Some seem to have an easier ride but there is no guarantee for any of us. But if as a parent I am part of the problem I can be part of the solution.

At the start of my transformation journey I felt, spoke, and acted like a victim. Life was happening to me. I had no control and a whole load of negative self-talk. As layers of conditioning lifted, I saw things differently. I learned about the bigger picture, how transgenerational and early life events have influenced my perception and behaviours.  I became more self-compassionate. This made it easier to look at patterns, mistakes, and judgements and start making positive changes.

I now view life as the episode of a tv series/season. Rather than a one-off this life is part of my soul’s journey of many lifetimes. This makes sense of incomprehensible, unjust events and tragedies. My purpose is to deal with what is happening in each moment the best I can. Challenging situations are opportunities for learning and personal growth. They may not be welcome or easy, but gold lies beyond each obstacle.

4 key steps in stopping feeling like a failure as a parent of an addict

  • Awareness
  • Acceptance
  • Curiosity
  • New habits

The more I can be at peace with myself, my story and history the less I am overwhelmed by negative emotions and feelings such as failure, guilt, shame, judgement. A magical outcome is that as I work through my issues something shifts for my children.

Do you have a question, topics, or practice ideas you would like me to share? email me or post in the Facebook group.

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

Seeds of Hope for Parents of Addicts

I was born into a chaotic situation. Drama was either playing out, ending, or brewing. To cope I learned to be vigilant. It was my survival strategy and all I could do at that tender age.

The world seemed a hostile and frightening place. Instead of potential I saw danger. Keeping small and invisible was safe. I stopped dreaming. The glass was half empty.

My body felt normal when flooded with stress chemicals. I was safe with a heightened state of awareness and would feed my dependency with drama – my own, friends or loved ones. I was addicted to stress!!

I saw the world the colouring of my childhood. This is what I carried into parenting. I loved my children and did the best I could. Yet I was unable to be fully present or love unconditionally. In my unconsciousness by trying to protect my son, I stifled his dreams.

“We cannot create a new future, by holding on to the emotions of the past.” Joe Dispenza

In the process of healing and unravelling my story I became aware of things I could have done differently. I plunged into the shame, blame and judgement loop. Subconsciously I was avoiding looking at my own issues and feeling and processing supressed emotions. In time I accepted that my parents had done the best they could and were unable to fulfil my needs. This did not make them bad or wrong, it was not personal, simply a fact. Their parents were not able to meet their needs and so it goes back through our ancestral line.

I began to understand and accept the past. Initially with my mind, then much later it became visceral, and I knew from deep within me.

“Hope is being able to see that there is light despite all of the darkness.” —Desmond Tutu.

My son had been struggling with addictive tendencies for well over a decade. I could see no way to help him or our relationship. Until… I started zooming out, away from the past and focusing on positive possibilities. Like a seed I scattered it. I fed it with a gentle comment or offer to help and repeated sparingly. Everything changed. It opened a door to a new possibility. What was impossible became possible in a relatively short timeframe. There was hope, ups and downs, twists, and turns and results beyond my dreams.

I would love to hear your story and what supports you. I am gifting 100 complementary well-being calls (30-minute ) for mums who are looking to support themselves and their adult son/daughter as they navigate life with addiction challenges. To schedule a session use this link https://suzanschedule.as.me/well-being

This offer is open to all who are ready and willing to make lasting positive change in their life.

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

The Greatest Misconception about Parenting an Addict

I knew exactly what my son needed to do and I wasn’t shy about sharing. The moment I saw him I would bombard with advice. Try this. It is brilliant. Shall I book you a session? My friends gave remote healing. I shared my thoughts, learning and beliefs. So many ideas. After time I could feel him zone out and escape fast every time I started talking.

I momentarily escaped the persistent anxiety and agitation in yoga classes. Tension left my body. I could breathe again and had moments of being present.

But I was still searching for something to fix the problem. Next came reiki and healing therapies. They were going to resolve everything. Oh but numerology… It was in his numbers – clear as anything – ADDICTION. That was the answer, hooray. Now all he he had to do was follow a specific healing protocol and everything would be alright!! Except he wasn’t interested. He looked bemused at this new version of his Mum. I was determined to sort things and would try anything.

Months became years. The next technique would be THE ONE. Previous modalities were good, but this next training, session or book would be it! I was getting results, feeling lighter, more positive and looked so much better. It must be working surely.

I felt so close to the prize of fixing my son and all my challenges would disappear. But oh no! Another ‘problem’ or setback and I spiralled back into anxiety, and helplessness. As mum it was my job to make everything better. And I would never give up!

Until I realised that he was not broken.

My views on addiction changed. I had been mistaken. My son was not broken, wrong, or bad. The situation was not a punishment. He was wounded and struggling with life. Rather than judgement, compassion and support would help him figure out himself, life, and the future.

When the time was right, he started to make changes, asked for help and we talked more freely. Things changed gradually. I saw that he knew what was best for him and had much wisdom. A kind, sensitive, likeable man struggling with the pressures of a 21st century living.

I saw the similarity with myself and friends dreaming of escaping the rat race, living a simple life. He didn’t yet have the life skills, experience and resources. Like all of us he was doing the best he could each day.

I knew intellectually but I now really knew. It is not my job to fix my son. He has his own life, path, and destiny. I accompany him for a while and what happens next is his not mine to decide. He is an adult and by continually trying to fix I am disempowering and judgemental. There is no right or wrong way, just his way.

Being a parent of an addict has unique challenges and obstacles. Together it is easier.

I am gifting 100 complementary well-being calls (30-minute ) for mums who are looking to support themselves and their adult son/daughter as they navigate life with addiction challenges. To schedule a session use this link https://suzanschedule.as.me/well-being

This offer is open to all who are ready and willing to make lasting positive change in their life.

If you are ready I would love to share some ideas and practices. Gain new perspective. Start or continue the journey of supporting you and your son/daughter. Contact me for a group or private online sessions.

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

Finding Peace As A Parent Of An Addict

Being a parent of an addict is a life long journey and there is  no guarantee of a happy ending! That is the harsh reality of our situation. Even though I am a firm believer in miracles, it is tough, really tough. But it is okay too. It has to be otherwise we are doomed. That is something I played with for a while and rejected.!! Over many years of personal development and well-being work, training and sharing I can confidently say that there is hope of peace. Rather than a linear process, its a journey with detours and standstills.

Here are 3 ways you can get started:

  • Spend time with people who understand, don’t want to fix or give unsolicited opinions and advice! I am sure we have all had plenty of this!
  • Sign up for a group/course to support your mental and physical well-being. I find committing by paying in full is the most effective way to ensure I attend regularly. It is easy to put others first and neglect our own well-being and development unless it is a non-negotiable event in the calendar.
  • Get curious but kind. Start noticing how you see/think/talk to yourself. Make a note, doodle or drawing with your findings. What thoughts or events trigger unhelpful emotions? Which strategies are more effective?

Being a parent of an addict has unique challenges and obstacles. Together it is easier.

I am gifting 100 complementary well-being calls (30-minute ) for mums who are looking to support themselves and their adult son/daughter as they navigate life with addiction challenges. To schedule a session use this link https://suzanschedule.as.me/well-being

This offer is open to all who are ready and willing to make lasting positive change in their life.

If you are ready I would love to share some ideas and practices. Gain new perspective. Start or continue the journey of supporting you and your son/daughter. Contact me for a group or private online sessions.

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

Reduce Anxiety Around your Son/daughters Addiction

I realised one day that I could not control the outcome of my son’s life. There was no drum roll or lightbulb moment. I just knew, from deep within me. There was acceptance in place of the emotional charge and agitation.

As I stopped trying to fix him or change his life path I noticed differences in how I perceived him and his challenges. After time, it was as if he could feel the changes taking place in me. We were not spending much time together but he noticed the difference. Every now and again he would call for an in depth conversation. He was searching for help for his girlfriend. I was trying to fix him and he was trying to fix her. Both trying to control something outside our control.

What I could and can do is my own personal development and healing. I eventually understood it is not my job to control or fix him but by sorting myself out something became easier for him. Our relationship started to improve. My anxiety levels were greatly reduced. I was able to disentangle from the twists and turns of his life. The agony of knowing and not knowing.

Coping with anxiety and lack of control

  1. Get clear on what is in your control and what is not (another person, world situation etc.) It is not going to help reduce anxiety levels if my peace depends on something over which I have no influence. Here are some ideas that may help you get started.✨Create a daily routine and stick to it, include mealtimes, breaks, time in nature, exercise.✨ Consider what you feed your mind and emotions, eg news, social media, people you hang out with. Choose what supports you and minimise or avoid what doesn’t.✨Decide what contact and support you are able to give, free from resentment and negative impact on you.
  2. Start a well-being practice to create calm and presence, rather than the mind spinning off in the past and/or future scenarios. (Become grounded).✨Consider eating fresh, natural foods, unprocessed and organic if affordable.
    ✨Create a room or small area in a room as an oasis/sanctuary. You might include a picture, plant, flowers, crystal, candle, poem/book – any item that will invoke a sense of calm. Spend time here regularly.
    ✨Continue, resume or start an exercise regime, walking is fine as is something more strenuous.
  3. Once grounded you are ready to take the next steps of personal development and healing. This creates lasting positive change.✨Observe with curiosity patterns or behaviours, reactions and habits that are supportive and those that are unhelpful. Record in a journal with words, doodles or any creative outlet. This will help you tap into your subconscious.
    ✨Find a group, course or retreat that will support you on your own unique journey of self-discovery.

If you have any questions, topics or practice ideas you would like me to share email me or post in the Facebook group.

With love,
Suzan

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery

Recovery Yoga – online

Feel comfortable being you, in the world at this time with gentle recovery and trauma sensitive practices.

Make peace with your story and create the life you want to live.

New live, online, in-person group starting January 2021.

Recovery yoga, online classesSessions include:

  • Mindful movement with Individual adaptations and alternatives as needed
  • Breathing techniques
  • Relaxation
  • Mindful meditation
  • Sharing, connection and community
  • Home practice ideas

Yoga supports:

  • Positive change
  • Immune system, digestion and rational thinking
  • Well-being of body, mind and spirit
  • Self-awareness and understanding
  • Energy balancing
  • New ways of seeing and being in the world

I feel amazing, I could do anything now!

It’s doing what your body wants and needs rather than what you think you need.

I felt down all day, now I feel great and ready for my walk.

Your confidentiality is assured.

For dates and times click here.

 

#addiction #parent #help #support #addict #alanon #not_alanon #recovery