Archives for April 2021

The Greatest Misconception about Parenting an Addict

I knew exactly what my son needed to do and I wasn’t shy about sharing. The moment I saw him I would bombard with advice. Try this. It is brilliant. Shall I book you a session? My friends gave remote healing. I shared my thoughts, learning and beliefs. So many ideas. After time I could feel him zone out and escape fast every time I started talking.

I momentarily escaped the persistent anxiety and agitation in yoga classes. Tension left my body. I could breathe again and had moments of being present.

But I was still searching for something to fix the problem. Next came reiki and healing therapies. They were going to resolve everything. Oh but numerology… It was in his numbers – clear as anything – ADDICTION. That was the answer, hooray. Now all he he had to do was follow a specific healing protocol and everything would be alright!! Except he wasn’t interested. He looked bemused at this new version of his Mum. I was determined to sort things and would try anything.

Months became years. The next technique would be THE ONE. Previous modalities were good, but this next training, session or book would be it! I was getting results, feeling lighter, more positive and looked so much better. It must be working surely.

I felt so close to the prize of fixing my son and all my challenges would disappear. But oh no! Another ‘problem’ or setback and I spiralled back into anxiety, and helplessness. As mum it was my job to make everything better. And I would never give up!

Until I realised that he was not broken.

My views on addiction changed. I had been mistaken. My son was not broken, wrong, or bad. The situation was not a punishment. He was wounded and struggling with life. Rather than judgement, compassion and support would help him figure out himself, life, and the future.

When the time was right, he started to make changes, asked for help and we talked more freely. Things changed gradually. I saw that he knew what was best for him and had much wisdom. A kind, sensitive, likeable man struggling with the pressures of a 21st century living.

I saw the similarity with myself and friends dreaming of escaping the rat race, living a simple life. He didn’t yet have the life skills, experience and resources. Like all of us he was doing the best he could each day.

I knew intellectually but I now really knew. It is not my job to fix my son. He has his own life, path, and destiny. I accompany him for a while and what happens next is his not mine to decide. He is an adult and by continually trying to fix I am disempowering and judgemental. There is no right or wrong way, just his way.

Being a parent of an addict has unique challenges and obstacles. Together it is easier.

I am gifting 100 complementary well-being calls (30-minute ) for mums who are looking to support themselves and their adult son/daughter as they navigate life with addiction challenges. To schedule a session use this link https://suzanschedule.as.me/well-being

This offer is open to all who are ready and willing to make lasting positive change in their life.

If you are ready I would love to share some ideas and practices. Gain new perspective. Start or continue the journey of supporting you and your son/daughter. Contact me for a group or private online sessions.

Finding Peace As A Parent Of An Addict

Being a parent of an addict is a life long journey and there is  no guarantee of a happy ending! That is the harsh reality of our situation. Even though I am a firm believer in miracles, it is tough, really tough. But it is okay too. It has to be otherwise we are doomed. That is something I played with for a while and rejected.!! Over many years of personal development and well-being work, training and sharing I can confidently say that there is hope of peace. Rather than a linear process, its a journey with detours and standstills.

Here are 3 ways you can get started:

  • Spend time with people who understand, don’t want to fix or give unsolicited opinions and advice! I am sure we have all had plenty of this!
  • Sign up for a group/course to support your mental and physical well-being. I find committing by paying in full is the most effective way to ensure I attend regularly. It is easy to put others first and neglect our own well-being and development unless it is a non-negotiable event in the calendar.
  • Get curious but kind. Start noticing how you see/think/talk to yourself. Make a note, doodle or drawing with your findings. What thoughts or events trigger unhelpful emotions? Which strategies are more effective?

Being a parent of an addict has unique challenges and obstacles. Together it is easier.

I am gifting 100 complementary well-being calls (30-minute ) for mums who are looking to support themselves and their adult son/daughter as they navigate life with addiction challenges. To schedule a session use this link https://suzanschedule.as.me/well-being

This offer is open to all who are ready and willing to make lasting positive change in their life.

If you are ready I would love to share some ideas and practices. Gain new perspective. Start or continue the journey of supporting you and your son/daughter. Contact me for a group or private online sessions.

Reduce Anxiety Around your Son/daughters Addiction

I realised one day that I could not control the outcome of my son’s life. There was no drum roll or lightbulb moment. I just knew, from deep within me. There was acceptance in place of the emotional charge and agitation.

As I stopped trying to fix him or change his life path I noticed differences in how I perceived him and his challenges. After time, it was as if he could feel the changes taking place in me. We were not spending much time together but he noticed the difference. Every now and again he would call for an in depth conversation. He was searching for help for his girlfriend. ???? I was trying to fix him and he was trying to fix her ????. Both trying to control something outside our control.

What I could and can do is my own personal development and healing. I eventually understood it is not my job to control or fix him but by sorting myself out something became easier for him. Our relationship started to improve. My anxiety levels were greatly reduced. I was able to disentangle from the twists and turns of his life. The agony of knowing and not knowing.

Coping with anxiety and lack of control

  1. Get clear on what is in your control and what is not (another person, world situation etc.) It is not going to help reduce anxiety levels if my peace depends on something over which I have no influence. Here are some ideas that may help you get started.✨Create a daily routine and stick to it, include mealtimes, breaks, time in nature, exercise.✨ Consider what you feed your mind and emotions, eg news, social media, people you hang out with. Choose what supports you and minimise or avoid what doesn’t.✨Decide what contact and support you are able to give, free from resentment and negative impact on you.
  2. Start a well-being practice to create calm and presence, rather than the mind spinning off in the past and/or future scenarios. (Become grounded).✨Consider eating fresh, natural foods, unprocessed and organic if affordable.
    ✨Create a room or small area in a room as an oasis/sanctuary. You might include a picture, plant, flowers, crystal, candle, poem/book – any item that will invoke a sense of calm. Spend time here regularly.
    ✨Continue, resume or start an exercise regime, walking is fine as is something more strenuous.
  3. Once grounded you are ready to take the next steps of personal development and healing. This creates lasting positive change.✨Observe with curiosity patterns or behaviours, reactions and habits that are supportive and those that are unhelpful. Record in a journal with words, doodles or any creative outlet. This will help you tap into your subconscious.
    ✨Find a group, course or retreat that will support you on your own unique journey of self-discovery.

I am offering an online introductory workshop where we can explore some ideas and techniques to reduce anxiety, begin to direct our life and return to peace. It is a safe, supportive, nurturing space. Discover and experience:

  • 3 ways to reduce anxiety
  • 2 ways to take control
  • 1 way to find peace

“It was great to look at my son in a different way without judgement.”

“I am better able to cope, not fretting about it all the time.”

“I feel better in myself.”

“You put up a mirror and helped me put in place strategies and tools for going forward.”

Together the load is lighter.

BOOKING
Sliding scale donation

Access/Budget £30
Regular £45
Sustain/Pay-it-forward £60

Limited scholarships available

BOOK HERE (shows your local time).

If you have any questions, topics or practice ideas you would like me to share email me or post in the Facebook group.

With love,
Suzan

Removing the Fear from Freedom

As restrictions ease here in the UK there is a desire for things to ‘go back to normal’. But what if you go a step further and create the normal that is best for you? What activities, spending and habits are no longer needed or supportive? How does you new daily/weekly/yearly life look and feel now? (Feel free to borrow my magic wand and share your vision:).)

However positive the future may be, a legacy remains. Relationships and jobs have changed or ended, finances have been impacted, sometimes with devastating effects. I know some of you have had a really tough time, others have been feeling sadness, fear and grief which is in the collective consciousness. Even if you are an introvert and lock-in was the best possible experience, everyone is in the same energy field/morphogenic field and impacted by these energies. What you are feeling may be yours or it may be from this field or perhaps a bit of both. It may be childhood and transgenerational issues coming up to be cleared and released.

It is vital that we get to know our fears and feelings. We are intricately connected with one another and with nature. Just as we care for and protect the environment (belatedly I hear some of you cry), it is important to care for one another. Living in fear of, judging, reporting one another evokes memories rooted in the horrors of genocide and wars. It is unthinkable. But it doesn’t have to be this way we can heal.

But how? Just as with all healing. With you, step by step at your own pace, without pressure. By changing you, your world will change.

Take time now to observe and reflect on the past and the future. Notice patterns and repeating behaviours. Perhaps you also notice them in a family member. What is your instinctive response? (If you are experiencing mental health challenges, wait until things have settled). This will help you cope when situations arise. How do you feel about mixing with others? What scenarios would be supportive and/or triggering? Are you mildly, moderately or extremely anxious, stressed and fearful? All of these are normal and if you are feeling fine* now, when the time comes your emotions may be different! It is okay if you are feeling stirred up. Everything is has the potential to help you grow and embody more of your true self.

My sense is that everyone is experiencing a degree of trauma simply by having lived through 2020! 

You have tools – the practices from our work together – use them when needed. Something as simple as a long, conscious exhale can make a difference. You can add counting back from 5 as you exhale.

You have connection and community – in all the groups.

You are not alone. I am in the Zoom sanctuary 15 minutes before start time and you are welcome to come along to connect or chat.

We can do this together.

Continue to prioritise well-being physical, emotional/mental and spiritual. The energy forecasts say that things may get a bit bumpy. The good news is that it gives an opportunity to transform quickly. It’s easier than ever before to clear old patterns, programs and behaviours. Simply being aware and giving space to these energies is transformative.

Keep coming to groups or private sessions, join our Signal group and use it for support. Share how you are feeling with others who understand. All sessions are stress, trauma and recovery sensitive and remain in our online yoga sanctuary. Perhaps you would benefit from 2 sessions a week or a private session to develop a home practice. NEW COURSES START 12TH APRIL. Together we will navigate what comes up. Here is a summary:

✨True peace is found on the other side of our challenges. Explore and heal what is holding you back in a safe, loving space in our Connection & Healing Circle for WomenTuesday – Zoom 8.00-9.00pm Numbers are limited to 7.

✨Reset your nervous system for calm and a deep sense of well-being with YOGA PLUS – beyond the posturesA gentle, nurturing session to retune and align to harmony and peace. Includes sound bath, relaxation, energy balancing and healing. Wednesday 8.00-9.00pm

✨Find and free patterns and emotions held in your body. Ground your healing. A wonderful, holistic experience blending yoga, sharing and energy healing in Yoga for RecoveryWednesday – 6.00-7.30pm

MINDFUL YOGA CLASSES

Mindful Yoga THERAPY & Relaxation Monday – 6.00-7.15pm
Mostly lying, gentle, therapeutic, and restorative, with time for connections and sharing.

Mindful Yoga & Relaxation, Mixed ability Monday 7.45-9.00 pm
From standing to lying, poses for strength, stretching and releasing physical and emotional tension. Relax, unwind, reconnect with yourself and the group

Chair YogaTuesday – 10.30-11.30am
Gentle, safe, and fun – no lying or kneeling

Finding FreedomTuesday 6.00-7.15pm
Supporting parents of addicts with connection and gentle practices to reset and relax.

Regular practice and spending time in positive energy develops resources and resilience. This helps you relax and see beyond conditioning and patterns as you are guided by your inner wisdom. This is the place of freedom. It is beyond fear.

Email me to book your place or discuss which is best for you.

*FINE = f***d up, insecure and emotional 🙂

Free well-being calls for parents of addicts

I have committed to 100 well-being conversations, 30 minutes with mums whose adult son/daughter is living with addiction challenges. It will take around 30 minutes.
Open to any mums who are looking to make positive change.
To schedule your session use this link https://suzanschedule.as.me/well-being
help for parents of addicts, mum addict, son, daughter, help, online, community